20 Funniest Barney Stinson Quotes From How I Met Your Mother

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Barney Stinson is basically the synonym of awesome. Throughout the 9 seasons of How I Met Your Mother, Barney Stinson has given us some of the best punchlines ever. He is by far one of the funniest characters on T.V. So, keeping this in mind, let us take a look at 20 funniest Barney Stinson quotes ever.Barney Stinson Quotes

  1. “When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
  2. “The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she is 17 years 11 months old.”
  3. “A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
  4. “Ted, if you have a crazy story, I was there. It’s just a law of the universe.”
  5. “Every Halloween, I bring a spare costume, in case I strike out with the hottest girl in the party. That way, I have a second chance to make a first impression.”
  6. “You know who is confused? Bimbos! They are easily confused. It’s one of the thousand little things I love about them. I love their vacant, trusting stares; their sluggish unencumbered minds; their unresolved daddy issues.”
  7. “Think of me like Yoda, but instead of being little and green, I wear suits and I am awesome. I’m your bro. I’m Broda.”
  8. “It’s going to be legen…wait for it…and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is…dairy!”
  9. “Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today.”
  10. “Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It’s like the universe was saying, “Hey Barney, there’s this dude, he’s pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome”
  11. “Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They’re people Ted, try to keep ’em straight.”
  12. “A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
  13. “When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.”
  14. “There are only two reasons to date a girl you’ve already dated: breast implants.”
  15. “If there was any shame in a dude getting a pedicure I don’t think there would’ve been a feature about it in Details magazine.”
  16. “Open your brain tank, bro, ’cause here comes some premium 91-octane knowledge. There are three rules of cheating: 1. It’s not cheating if you’re not the one who’s married. 2. It’s not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And it’s not cheating if she’s from a different area code. You’re fine on all three counts.”
  17. “Do you have some puritanical hang up on prostitution? Dude, it’s the world’s oldest profession.”
  18. “That was the night I was born. I rose like a phoenix from her mentholated bosom and strode into the world, Armani-clad and fully awesome.”
  19. “The point is, marriage is stupid. Every day new 22-year olds go into bars and call me glass-half-full, but I think they’re getting dumber.”

“Suit up!”Barney Stinson QuotesSo, which one of these Barney Stinson quotes is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below.

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